We’ve now been married for over a year, not by much but enough so that there’s still the novelty of being able to use the Y-word, YEAR! Like in the first few months of being married when I talked about my HUSBAND and Blakey talked about his WIFE…I’m not going to lie even though I’ve been married to my HUSBAND for just over a YEAR it can still feel weird. But then I look this picture above, I love it. I just want to laugh with joy every time I see it, and that feels really normal even if wife is still a bit weird. We feel like the perfect fit.
So what have we learnt from our first year of marriage…probably that it’s in the lows that a great marriage is made and the highs are better for it. In marriage, I believe there should be nowhere to hide from each other, as tempting as hiding my heart can seem at times when I’ve feel hurt or unsure. One of these times, was as I sat in the bottom of the bath with the showing running over me crying feeling crushed by the weight of my feelings and toughness of life (quite the pity party), as tempting as it was to hide I allowed myself to be honest. I then allowed myself to be honest with Blakey. In his humbleness and mercy he listened. What did I tell him? I told him that my pre-wife, pre-marriage, pre-Blakey self wouldn’t have married a fictional man in his position. Ouch! I was able to be explain that I hadn’t not wanted to be married to him for one second but that it was simply something I wouldn’t have chosen. And I think this is a natural part of settling into real life marriage rather than our fictionalised fantasies of what marriage will be like. Maybe it’s the scars of divorce or the fictionalisation of perfect problem eradicating marriage, our pre-conceptions of marriage our dangerous when carried into relationships because they can sabotage them without us realising. Ditching my past notions about what marriage or a husband would be like allows me to be present in the present and enjoy the adventure.
And talking of ditching fantasises, would my vain list of fictional specifications husband chosen me…? Would any sane man dream of a wife who often struggles to she her beauty or worth, a wife who cries her eyes out late at night when he’s most tired and got to get up for work the next morning at 6AM…but the very real human man I married thankfully married a very real human me, and together we committed to stick out what ever changes came along…
“To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.”
And oh how sticking it out with each other in the present, even with our brutal honesty (the good and also the hard), has made things so much better… the cuddles better, our sex better, our conversations, our kisses, our touches, the way we look at each other, even holding hands. It’s so good to be with each other because of not in spite of the rough bits.