Well hello there 2012, it was evitable (spell check I hope you know what your on about cause I don’t) that 2011 would be followed by 2012…so here we are.
2010 ended and 2011 started about 4hours into a 33hour train ride from Delhi to Bangalore. Honestly it was very unimpressive in fact as new years go it won’t be memorable for anything other than pretty miserable. But it in no way was an indicator of the year that came to great me. I’m not sure 2011 can easily be described in it’s significance of the life of Kathryn Jane so far, other than that’s really what it was. I would go as far to say it was a coming of age. It marked a turn from preparation for adventure to the adventure. Till that point life was a mere glimpse of where God seems to be leading me, the urge for a life of adventure was there but there had been important lessons to be learnt in who God had created me to be, His call on my life to love Him as only I was created to do…as it is also for you. A simplistic notion of calling yet it sits well with me…I don’t want to find that I have passed life by, missing it by earnestly wasting it all searching for a ‘sign’ written in the stars or a massive pointing finger. I’ve been given a ‘heart’ to be my guide.
2011 was ‘immeasurably more than I could imagine’. God breathed life into the His word’s that till that point it had been my hope for a future I could do nothing more than trust it existed because I couldn’t see it. On the last day of 2011 I found myself stood [paddling] in the sea looking out into the waves that disappeared into the night with no idea literally or metaphorically what was coming but overwhelmed with how amazing Yet as 2012 begins I don’t feel sure of much in fact I’m pretty I’m not sure what to expect at in the slightest. Exciting but today I find myself scared crying out to my Father to hold me tight and close. There is a fear stirred in me because I know my own weakness…I’ve found the weak link in this epic adventure and it’s yours truly. The song ‘Arms of Grace’ has a the lyric ‘How many times have you found me wandering in the rubble of yesterdays hope’…’it’s not the first time I’ve been in this place’. I will need to many times, daily, run into the arms of grace that do not give up on me that this song speaks of. I don’t think I’ll stop being amazing by that grace, I don’t think we can. 2012 will be full of that fear but I am reminded of a phrase used by an extreme sports brand ‘I’d rather be dead scared then dead bored’. It somewhat captures my heart, not boredom but the desire for life to be vibrantly alive. Part of that comes from having no idea what the year while hold. I don’t want life to be all sorted out and planned out, to me that feels pretty dead. Yet I am blessed to know wonderful friends who this is the opposite of the truth in their lives and for them I rejoice in that, our God doesn’t do a ‘set dish’.
I want to be in this place in the knowledge that I am weak; my life is dead without God. In this place I know where to look to have the confidence to step in to this glorious unknown, as it is only unknown to me and not my Father. He knows my steps, my fears, my hopes and dreams, what makes me tick and the light he has placed within me. If I start feeling strong I’ll be walking towards that dead place in life missing that all that matters is not me but found in God.
So again I’ll say hello 2012…I’m excited to see what you will reveal.