Where I’ve always wanted to be

The world has been safe from my whitterings for a while but inspired by a friend’s blog I guess well we’ll see where it goes from here. In addition another trip to India makes it even more probable that the frequency of posts will increase.

I look at what seems to be my life and I don’t recognise it. A year ago I was preparing for my first trip to Asia to spend 2months in India and once back I planned to go to Zimbabwe , Rwanda and South Africa. This was meant to be my short adventure before I became a secondary school Design and Technology teacher…but somewhere between being alone travelling in a country I didn’t know and being overwhelmed that I really actually wasn’t going to see my family for 2 months (the longest I’d been away from them and a fact that hadn’t sunk it yet prior to this), and seeing these amazing different places that some how were impossibly familiar to me, I knew I wasn’t going to complete my PGCE course application. 2 months became 5 months and I knew that I had found myself in the middle of a life I didn’t recognise but knew I’d found my adventure.

I’ve always wanted adventure not mortgages or something off the shelf but I thought it would come from sport and yet the sea was always too far away, I couldn’t get easily to lakes or mountains, buildings blocked raging winds, the parks just didn’t do it like the countryside and people around didn’t seem to get how amazing these absent things were. I’m sure these things will have a place in this adventure that seems to be my life but they will not be the purpose or the driving force. My adventure is a journey full of divine accidents. I’m yet to find a more accurate term since I used it to explain my time in India. The divine accident is the coming about of things that have not been really pursued or the original intention was not the outcome, these things have the clear stamp of God. They are no surprise to Him, he created me for them. He has taken this wandering whittering girl and lead her in His ways in an adventure she didn’t even think really existed. She even naively had started to think that life would just be a bit of a let down and it was better not to really hope for things because you can’t fail at dreams you don’t have. I have rarely admitted that to myself let alone anyone else instead I’ve hidden it behind dreams of moving to live by the sea yet was too scared to make it happen.

But that aside the life I dreamed of is here. I have never known what it would look like and I never thought it would look like this…neither could I have guessed or even vaguely guessed in the dark at this direction but frankly who cares. I’m here and I have no idea where I’m going. But in update to the adventure from being in India…2 weeks after coming back I visited a friend and went along to her church. 6months later now her church is my church and she’s off living her adventure  currently in Australia and I’m over 2months in to a new job working with homeless people in a night shelter living in Watford.

And in this time, especially the last 5 weeks, I’ve gone through a time of resenting the adventure. I guess there was a bit of romanticising the adventure queue enter of a number of aggressive, ungrateful, demanding, manipulative homeless guys (the minority not the majority!) and onset the emotional exhaustion and the low low feelings of a lifeless adventure. Yet God does not abandon and with His wonderfully placed people in my cell group and friends the spark is back in the adventure. The life is back in me. The ‘life’ that makes me heart beat faster and the desire to say Lord let me be that when I read the Year of the Lords favour is back. My energy is back. My excitement for the adventure is back. The wonderfully unknown unpredictable at times scary, filled with highs and lows, adventure is where I want to be. Let the Divine adventures long continue…

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