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Monthly Archives: February 2011

Sometimes there is no other way of describing things that have come about on my Indian adventure other than by ‘divine accidents’. [An adventure that has become a ‘life view’ rather than just a frame of mind for being in India.] It’s pure grace that this is how it’s come about. There are so many things that I am in the midst of doing that have come about by no deliberate intention or even potential wondering’s of mine. Opportunities that have been placed in front of me for me to fall into by ‘accident’.

By ‘divine accident’ I have ended up becoming, till the end of March, a non-graduating, non-assignment doing, actual student of the SBS…School of Biblical Studies. If I had been told or lead or even encouraged to go anywhere with the aim of being there to study the bible, I’d have been very quick to say no and just as quick to say I can’t. Yet here I am sitting in SBS classes learning to understand and truly love the word, especially the Old Testament, in a way I didn’t think possible. My frustrations and confusion created by the intellectual bickering of theologians [especially the equally convincing polar opposite views expressed] had created a belief in me that I would always somehow have to except a vast gap between the Bible and my personnel understanding of it. Yet through a form of logical study that considers the Original reader and the historical context, the over arching theme and the more specific verse by verse or chapter by chapter themes, I feel that I can both relate and connect with this great book of life. I am finding new richness and truth and understanding in my faith and my God. Many of my questions of God’s character, especially regarding Justice and the Old Testament, for the first time are being dealt with. Which are pretty vital for someone who knows that in their heart they have a longing to see justice.

Another ‘divine accident’ has been a desire to learn Hindi…Kat ‘just about grasped English at the best of times’ Hall learning another spoken language…ha this must be some type of hilarious joke! But no, it’s a step of faith that seems far beyond my believed ideas of my ability to learn. I have found myself taking this step because again and again I have longed to open heartedly share my life with people here, to speak truth against oppression and believed worthlessness as my heart is lead but have been unable to. I have a desire to be build relationships with people in India to see restoration and life in their lives through overwhelming love of God. In learning Hindi there is the opportunity to sit face to face with someone as equals in real and honest fellowship…if it wasn’t for this hope and desire I would not even have the will to believe it possible for me to learn Hindi.

In both these ‘divine accidents’ it is a real demonstration of God’s grace at dealing with my fear and lack of confidence in learning. Much of my self belief and confidence was crushed while still at school as I studied A levels [English exams taken by school students conventionally at 18], having gone from excelling to severely struggling almost over night was beyond hard. It was a time when many underlying issues with being dyslexic [a common learning difficulty] could no longer remain so surfaced. Yet I remained for the most part completely unsupported educationally during this time. I went from being a bright confident student who loved to learn and was full of questions, to a struggling deeply frustrated student who believed they were stupid with no belief in their ability. It is this that has deeply hindered me considering any further study after surviving my degree. So what God did was to let me gently accidentally fall into it. Not just studying the bible or Hindi but also awakening my heart to India.

I came to India with the mindset that it’s an adventure. Seeing it as an adventure encourages me to live the adventure for all its worth in both the good experiences and the not so good. If it’s an adventure you don’t give up when it’s hard because this is what makes it an adventure. My favourite adventure is the trilogy of the Lord of the Rings. My dad read all 3 books, and also the Hobbit, to me as a child and who know he was preparing my mind for my very own adventure.

Just over a year ago I prayed Lord I want to have an adventure with you. I could never imagine the richness of where I would end up, the opportunities that he would offer and the way in which God would stir my heart. I know that I am blessed, immeasurably more than I could ever imagine…it’s exciting and thrilling. It has awaken more of who God has created me to be and I like that!

God has also blessed me in the friends he has brought into the adventure. Friends who are simply great to be with who bless and inspire and encourage me.  People who have seen my potential and are willing to see it released.  Yet in the nature of this adventure is people come but also people have to go. I know God has blessed me with a soft heart which he has set within me to be a thing of beauty. For many years I hated it, not knowing what to do with it except try as hard as I could to hide it so know one could hurt it. It never worked it just meant that the hurt was hidden deep where it couldn’t be seen. I have grown to a place where I don’t ever want to harden. I want God to use my willingness to be vulnerable and open to see his glory not mine. So it is with a soft heart it is so hard to say good bye without knowing if it is for a short time or for a lifetime. The unknowns of who or what will be part of the next part of the adventure is both exciting and painful.

“Remember what Bilbo used to say: It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.”…when you put it like that Bilbo I’m quite glad I’m on an adventure.”

What Bilbo says reminds I don’t want to go back to a safe life. In recognising that it’s dangerous to start the adventure, it reminds that it’s ok to feel like this…”it’s ok to cry on an adventure” and I’d rather this than the alternative.