I don’t owe you anything

I realised some important stuff today. I’ve been struggling with the feeling of failure. I have felt like I’ve already failed as a designer. This is a lot to do with feeling like I wasn’t good enough for Goldsmiths, that I haven’t lived up to how I should be doing after the course or precieved expectations. But basically not feeling good enough.

But I realised I don’t have to live up to anything. It was my degree and my learning experience. It is not an oppertunity that I was given where I now have to prove that I deserved to have it in the first place. School is an experience not about learning but achieving, about proving yourself in the grades you recieve. Unfortunately I carried this with me into my degree and my degree grade was a big blow. Understanding that my degree was about the things I learnt and not still proving myself has freed me from feeling rubbish now. I haven’t failed, I can do anything. And thankfully I do owe the people who have taught me alot because I learnt a heck of a lot. I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else, even thought my grade would have been better elsewhere. Instead I was pushed and challenged and shaped. I didn’t fail, I just got things wrong. You don’t learn things getting it right.

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